Mandla: Sailesh Parthe is only nine years old but he is the husband of his paternal grandmother. And none in his community has any complaint; in fact, it was they who encouraged the third grader to take the woman in her seventies as his wife.

Being the head of the family, Saliesh now presides over all family functions and other members – such as his father, mother and younger sister — have to comply with his instructions.

At other times, he attends classes in a nearby school and participates in extra-curricular activities regularly.

Sailesh was an infant when he married Jumia Bai Parthe in 2006, after his grandfather died suddenly.

“This sort of practice is very common in our community,” says Jhadulal Markam, a leader of Behanga village in the Mandla district of Madhya Pradesh state, central India where the couple lives.

76-year-old Markam and the couple belong to the Gond, India’s largest tribal community. They are spread across 14 states in India, from Karnataka in the south to Assam in the northeast.

Markam said their community sanctions marriages like the one Sailesh had. The custom is part of a time-tested tradition to ensure that no woman remains a widow or insecure, he told Matters India.

“The community has always respected women and protected them from all kinds of atrocities,” Markam claimed sitting on an iron coat in the courtyard of his house.

The community disapproves a man or woman remaining unmarried, Markam explained.

Everyone marries as the community treats the unmarried as outcaste.

When a woman becomes a widow, irrespective of her age, she has to go for a remarriage.

According to the traditions, after 10 days of mourning, the community members gather in the house of the deceased and offer special prayers for the departed soul.

Everyone comes with a coconut and offers it in front of the portrait of the diseased person.

The elders conducting the prayer break the coconut and return half of it to the one who offered it and the rest are collected and distributed among the gathering as “Prasad” (holy offering) at the end of the ceremony.

Subsequently, in presence of everyone the elders will give the widow in marriage to her husband’s younger brother. He has to accept her as his wife. This marriage is known as Devar Pato.

Bhola Ram, 54, another villager, said they use “Pato,” or specially designed silver bangles, for the remarriage ceremony.

“After prayers to the dead the bangles will be brought before the community panchayat (council),” Ram explained.

The leaders then summon the widow’s younger brother and ask him to put the bangles on her both writs and accept her as his wife. “He has to accept his widowed sister-in-law as wife even if he has more than one wives,” Ram said.

Gulzar Singh Markam, a social thinker and political leader from the community, says the tribal tradition “does not forbid man from having multiple marriages.”

If the widow has no younger brother-in-law, the onus of marrying her falls on the grand-son as happened to Sailesh. This marriage is called Nati Pato.

Gonds do not permit marriage between the widow and her elder brother-law, Gulzar explained.

The community also forbids any contact between the elder brother and the wife of his younger brother.

If a man inadvertently touches his younger brother’s wife the community punishes them with fine such as chicken, meals and sweets, Gulzar added.

What happens if the widow has no younger brother-in-law or grandson?

“She will be looked after by the community,” the social thinker said.

The community adopts her through a ritual – Karain Pato . One of the Godn women puts the bangles the widow’s wrists. The widow will stay in her house and the community will look after her.

If the Pato couples are young they can live normal husband and wife and indulge in sex.

However in case of the Nati couple the grandson remains the guardian of his grand-mother as well as the caretaker of his grandfather’s property until the woman dies.

However, the community condones any aberration as it has sanctioned them to live as husband and wife, Gulzar explained.

When Sailesh attains the marriageable age of 21 years, he can marry another woman even if his grandmother is alive.

However, the new wife remain his second wife until the grand-mother dies, Gulzar said.

Dhundhilal Kushram, a tribal physician, justifies such marriages. “They are necessary as widows have no social standing,” the 58-year-old tribal explained.

“A widow primarily cannot attend any religious activities and will not have any say in the affairs of the community, family and other social forums as she is considered a bad omen,” Kushram explained.

Amid all this discussion Salilesh looked lost. Asked what he felt about being head of the family, he just smiled.

But his father Basant said his son heads all family rituals in the capacity of his father. “In all religious activities, I have to follow his orders as it is our tradition,” he added.

Basant can relax now since his son passes no orders, but only follows what his elders instruct him to do for the time being.

As the discussion was going on “the bride” sat in a corner quietly.

Asked if she has gone out with her grand-son husband, Bai said with a smile, “I am not keeping well and remain at home.”

Holding her husband’s hand sitting close to her, she said, “I am happy in his company. He is very caring.”

END