Christianity is a religion of love, plain and simple.
Add to that, we now have a liberal-minded pope, known for his ‘progressive’ views on, among other issues, abortion and the rights of the LGBT community.
So why is it that the church in Kerala opposes the choice of many members of its younger generation who choose love over religion and belief?
Earlier this week, the Syro Malabar church stated that interreligious marriages were a result of ‘pranayam’, or ‘sensual love’ rather than ‘premam’ the purest form of love, the kind of stuff that makes ‘happily ever after’ and ‘together forever’.
When Charmaine Mathews married Bilal Saifuddin 25 years ago her mother said to her, “As long as he makes you happy, as long as he is a good person, we have no objections.”
The two have stayed together against all odds and have raised two children Zain and Ayesha to follow the teachings of both the Bible and the Quran with equal importance.
“When we got married, people said we will hit a roadblock when it comes to choosing a religion for our children. When our eldest daughter Ayesha was born we decided that we would give them the best of both worlds, and if and when they were ready they would be free to choose whatever they pleased,” says Charmaine.
Today Ayesha is 23 and Zain is 19. They observe fast during Ramzan and pray the dhikr and dua prayers but they also studied in Christian schools and sing Christian hymns and recite prayers.
“We’re not perfect children, but who is? I’ve personally never been confused when it came to religion. They raised us with good values. Someday I’ll be married too and rather than shove religion down my children’s throat I too would choose to leave religion and whether to follow it or not to be a choice for them to make,” Ayesha says.
For marriage counsellor and therapist Meera Chowdhry, a marital relationship revolves around values and beliefs that are beyond that of religion. “Who gets to decide what is ‘premam’ and what is ‘pranayam’? Certainly not people who have never experienced either. Marriage is about two people who are respecting, responsible, honest and sincere with each other.
One must not forget that all religions teach the same golden rules of goodness and kindness and peace and unity, so why would there be discord between two people of different religious backgrounds who are united in love and respect for each other,” she asks.
As the saying goes, ‘What would Jesus do?’ What would he tell the young lovers of the world? Would he go against his own teachings of loving unconditionally and without condemnation? Some matches may not be made in heaven but that doesn’t mean they are not meant to be.
(This appeared in The Times of India on Sept. 26, 2015)