By Susanna Tuscano
Mumbai, Feb 25, 2020: One of the common problems I have come across in Catholic circles is the lack of potential spouses for those young people who take their faith seriously.
Catholics are already a minority in India (where only around 2.5 percent of the population is Christian), but even within that pool, we are far more likely to come across nominal or cultural Catholics whose faith means no more to them than a weekend activity for Sundays or a cultural identity which means they eat sorpotel (a local Goan Catholic dish) or eat non-vegetarian food and wear white gowns at their weddings.
But there are a small minority of Catholics sprinkled all over the country who have had a life-changing encounter with Christ, often through prayer groups and charismatic communities, and who have discovered the beauty and the truth present in the Catholic Church, and who are looking for life partners who have the same priorities, formation and goals.
In a world of matchmaking that emphasizes physical appearance, educational degrees, pay packets, possessions, status and external markers of success and achievement, I felt called to help and encourage unmarried Catholics to look for something deeper. After blogging about some of these topics over the past few years, and advising young friends who have approached me, I felt called to do something more revolutionary.
Last week I launched the ‘Catholic Disciples Matchmaking Service’, personalized service for faith-oriented Catholics to search for a life partner. This is not a traditional matrimonial service.
The questions that potential candidates are asked focus more on their faith and their personality. The questions do not cover what work they do or how much money they make. Candidates who are matched are allowed to correspond and then meet and get to know each other well enough to discern if God has a plan for them to be together.
No parent or relative can apply for their children, but as adults, they are expected to take responsibility for their own choice and discernment. It is not an avenue to try to just ‘get people married off’.
I plan to review each profile and correspond with potential applicants to make sure they are living as ‘Catholic disciples’. While there is no way to know a person’s heart from afar, I hope that the form I have created will give me indicators of the applicants’ priorities and goals and enable me to match people far better than a traditional matchmaking service or even a faith-based site that relies on algorithms.
But the phrase ‘Catholic disciple’ may be a little confusing for some. Here is how I defined this term in my introductory blog post:
‘Catholic – Faithful to all the teachings of the Church including the tough ones, willing to learn and grow in knowledge and practice of the Catholic faith, openness to and love for Mary, the saints and the sacraments; and committed to the Catholic understanding of marriage and family.’
‘Disciple – Committed to doing the will of Christ, trying to walk with Him every day, having a personal relationship with Jesus through a prayer life, dealing with personal sin, pursuing holiness, willing to “go wherever He asks you to go, do whatever He asks you to do, say whatever He asks you to say, and give up whatever He asks you to give up.”’
So far there has been a great response. Many people have expressed interest, and several have already applied. Many Catholics have contacted me to tell me they are praying for this venture and happy someone is finally meeting a need they have already been aware of. Indian Catholics settled in other countries have asked if there is something like this available in their countries too.
Some of the response was: “I am surely going to pray for this ministry. I wish someone had started this earlier.” “My sister and I are both not married yet only because of our faith. Whether I do or do not find a spouse through this I want to promote it because I feel it’s a great idea. Many youth leaders in Bangalore felt the same.”
One Catholic lady from Mumbai who has been married for 21 years affirmed the need for this service: “Most singles, even the most faithful disciples of Christ underestimate how great a role one’s spouse has in one’s spiritual growth and eternal direction. To settle for anyone less than the person who will run this great race with you is a tragedy of epic proportions and eternal implications. Yoking yourself with a godly partner is the best gift you can give yourself for a lifetime and beyond, so choose wisely.”
Another young Catholic wife from Goa said, “I think this is a great initiative to help connect people of faith to facilitate holy marriages and the propagation of the Catholic faith in family life, especially today where marriages break down so easily. The method used also helps those seeking marriage to examine their own faith life and put it down in words making it clearer to discern what they’re looking for in a spouse and marriage. May God who has inspired this venture to bless this initiative and help it bear much fruit for His Kingdom.”
The Catholic Disciples Matchmaking Service will only work if God is at the center of it. That is why I not only pray for each applicant and their situation and needs, but I also encourage applicants to pray for their future spouse every day and allow God to guide their discernment and decisions.
Finally, it is God who knows us best, has all our days written in a book before we even existed (Psalm 139:16), and who can satisfy our heart’s desires in the way that is best for us. He is the best Matchmaker, and the rest of us are privileged to be His instruments and tools.
(Susanna Tuscano is a Catholic disciple, wife, evangelist, teacher, speaker and writer who has served full-time for nine years with a Catholic mission organization. She blogs at www.notveryindiangirl.blogspot.in).