Two individuals who hit “rock bottom” in their lives by either committing or experiencing domestic abuse have turned their lives around and established programs designed to help prevent others from experiencing the same fate.

Both Michael Clark and the Rev. Linda Thomas credit their respective relationships with God for giving them the strength they needed to overcome their difficult situations. Clark founded The Ananias Foundation, which is designed to help “individuals who have committed acts of domestic violence to stop hurting the ones they love,” while Thomas established a domestic violence ministry at her church and has teamed up with state and local officials to provide resources for victims of domestic violence.

In an interview with The Christian Post, Clark, who uses a pseudonym to protect the anonymity of his family, detailed how he transformed from a domestic abuser to an author committed to eradicating domestic violence. He also explained how the Ananias Foundation, a web-based ministry targeted at individuals who commit acts of domestic violence, came about.

“In 2005, I was married to my second wife and we had a blended family,” he recalled. “We each had two kids and they were all teenagers. We had been married just a couple of years at that point. In putting our families together and having a busy household and teenagers in the house, there was a lot of stress and a lot of changes and my wife at the time, we were still learning about each other and learning how to negotiate our relationship and we didn’t do it well.”

“I didn’t respond to those challenges very well when I was responding violently to things that were happening in our relationship,” Clark admitted. “There were times when my wife would say something really hurtful, I would respond by slapping her, one time I pushed her into a closet, pulled her hair.”

“It wasn’t necessarily physical violence but things like pounding my fist on the table, slamming doors, shouting at the top of my lungs, these things aren’t technically considered domestic violence but they’re still damaging to a relationship and intimidating to a partner and therefore, not good for our relationship.”

Clark explained that while committing the aforementioned acts of domestic violence “absolutely did not make me feel better,” he would frequently find himself in tense situations where he would “respond in a way that was abusive and very damaging to my wife and to our relationship.” He attributed the impulse to inflict physical or emotional harm on his wife as a result of “not having good emotional control in those situations.”

Eventually, Clark’s acts of violence landed him in the criminal justice system. He spent two nights in prison on two separate occasions and was mandated to attend a batterers’ intervention program. Clark’s run-ins with the criminal justice system also had professional repercussions, as he was demoted from his position at work shortly thereafter.

Clark found the batterers’ intervention program unhelpful because it was “built around the ideology that we men are violent because we think we’re superior and entitled,” a message that did not resonate with him. He did, however, find counseling helpful in identifying the underlying emotions that led him to commit acts of domestic violence, specifically a concern that he was not “lovable.”

Describing himself as a formerly “intermittent church attender,” Clark detailed how going back to church caused him to adopt a dramatically different worldview: “Going to church and hearing this message that God loves me, accepting that and believing that changes me. I’m far less concerned about what people think, including my partner.”

“I don’t have to worry about rejection and abandonment because I know God has always been with me, understanding how God sees me and accepting my identity as His beloved child really was a game changer in how I thought and also how I could think about those situations.”

Like Clark, Thomas credits her faith with helping her get through the most difficult time in her life, specifically citing the influence of Pastor John Jenkins and First Lady Trina Jenkins of First Baptist Church of Glenarden, located in Prince George’s County, Maryland, outside of Washington, D.C.

“I stand before you healed, restored, and free from all abuse,” Thomas told CP.

In spite of achieving academic success, Thomas hit “rock bottom” when she found herself trapped in an abusive relationship: “I graduated with honors, earned a scholarship to college, completed thedean’s list my first semester, fell in love, married a young man and nine months later delivered my daughter with a black eye.”

As Thomas explained, domestic violence is a widespread issue that affects both genders: “We know that while women are the majority of survivors, there are also men who are survivors of abuse. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in four women and one in seven men have been victims of severe physical violence will experience some sort of physical violence within their life.”

Domestic violence during COVID-19
The issue of domestic violence is a cause of particular concern as the United States grapples with the coronavirus pandemic. The National Domestic Violence put together a report that tracked “how COVID-19 impacts victims and survivors of domestic abuse.” The report is based on data collected from Mar. 16, around the time that many states began implementing stay-at-home orders to curb the spread of the disease, to May 16, 2020.

As the report noted, “External factors that add stress, isolation, and financial strain can create circumstances where a survivor’s safety is further compromised—this pandemic has elements of all three. Even more concerning, shelter-in-place orders meant that many would be in closer and more frequent proximity to their abusers.”

The report highlighted the many challenges faced by victims of domestic abuse during the pandemic. For example, “a caller said they could not file paperwork to remove the abuser from their home, because courts are closed due to COVID-19.”

In another case, a caller “had tested positive for COVID-19, and the abuser was using isolation to keep them from contacting family.” The abuser also threatened to deport the victim, who is currently in the process of becoming a U.S. citizen.

Compared to March 2019, the hotline’s contact volume decreased by 6% in March 2020. The hotline predicted that a decrease in contact volume would take place during the stay-at-home orders since “survivors would feel less safe reaching out for support because of being in such close proximity to the abusive partner.”

However, contact volume increased by 15% in April 2020 compared to April 2019. The Hotline attributed this to the relaxing of shelter-in-place requirements. Overall, there was a 9% increase in the total number of contacts received by the hotline during the two-month period compared to the same time in 2019.

According to Thomas, the pandemic has had an impact on the frequency of domestic violence in her community: “The county has seen an increase in domestic violence cases since the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic as victims are forced to stay at home with their abusers.”

Prior to launching the Ananias Foundation, Clark wrote a book, titled From Villain to Hero: Encouragement and a map to stop domestic violence or abuse that hurts the ones you love. “I really started the book while I was in the process of making changes in my life. I have … the thought that if I can ever figure this out, maybe this is something I can share with others. As I progressed and learned things and felt those changes in my life, the book continued to take form.”

While Clark “really didn’t do anything with it” at first, he had the book edited and published after he founded the Ananias Foundation in 2017 out of a desire to “provide opportunities for others to also discover what they need to stop hurting the ones that they love.”

“I really found nothing else out there that fit this particular niche in the domestic violence arena, something that would really help individuals that are causing harm, to heal that and to move forward,” he said.

The foundation was named after Ananias, who was asked by Jesus in the Acts of the Apostles to restore the sight of Saul, a persecutor of Christians who was blinded by a light from Heaven. Following Ananias’ encounter with Saul, his sight was restored, he repented and changed his name to Paul.

“Paul’s life changes and contributions are nothing short of a miracle, but it took Ananias to make it happen,” the foundation’s website maintains. “We at the Ananias Foundation are called to seek out and restore individuals who have done harm to others because we know they have the potential to change, then go on to do great things.”

With the exception of From Villain to Hero, all of the support groups and materials offered by the Ananias Foundation, including a guidebook for “stopping hurtful behavior,” are available free of charge. The foundation provides resources for those seeking counseling and offers advice to those looking to address the behavior of their partners, friends or family members.

In addition to founding the Ananias Foundation, Clark has remarried and enjoys a “great, close relationship” with his children as well as his new wife.

“Lynn and I have a wonderful relationship and I feel so grateful that the changes I was able to make, that God made in me, I can now enjoy a great marriage and a loving, respectful relationship,” he said.

One of Clark’s children later told him that when he had hit “rock bottom,” he had almost gotten “within an inch of not wanting to have anything to do with you.”

The Prince George’s County Family Justice Center

An encounter she had with her daughter, who was herself a victim of domestic abuse, at the Montgomery County Family Justice Center motivated Thomas to work to establish a similar resource in Prince George’s County.”

“Witnessing her receive all of the services that she needed in one place, I said, Lord, we must have this in Prince George’s County. The Maryland legislature and commissioners gathered around and … we put the proposal in place. My vision to establish a Family Justice Center in Prince George’s County was realized on June 9, 2016, during a ribbon cutting ceremony,” she recalled.

Thomas described the Justice Center as a “one-stop shop” for victims of domestic violence: “The mission is to serve the needs of people that are impacted by domestic violence, sexual assault, human trafficking and elder abuse, while delivering integrated, comprehensive and client-driven options that will empower survivors to find hope and rebuild their disrupted lives.”

The Justice Center works with partners, including the sheriff and the House of Ruth, which are co-located in the building “to help survivors so that they’re not revictimized, they don’t have to tell their story over and over again.”

Thomas, along with the Department of Family Services and the Prince George’s County State’s Attorney’s office, have offered churches training on how to respond to domestic violence. As a result, she said, “many churches now are hosting domestic violence training.”

“I think that it’s critical that pastors are adequately familiar with local resources so that when survivors do come, there’s not the missed opportunity for victims to access services. Training, I think, is critical within the congregations, training the leaders on the dynamics of domestic abuse. We would be much more effective as a church, as a church body, if we understood the dynamics of abuse,” she stressed.

“The Church has been silent on this issue for quite some time. I’m just grateful, grateful for my leadership in combating and being proactive to bring about a zero tolerance of verbal, physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. We don’t want to put a Band-Aid on it. We really want to eradicate domestic abuse.”

She has also partnered with community members in an effort to address another problem that faces many victims of domestic violence: a need for financial assistance. As a result of a “lack of finances,” many will return to their abusers. She is “currently working with a young man in the county that has a job readiness program where when survivors come into his shelter, he’s doing job training.”

The role of the church in addressing domestic violence

Clark contended that in addition to the Ananias Foundation, there is a “tremendous opportunity for churches to talk about domestic violence from the pulpit.” He suggested that churches should “make sure that resources … are available in their community, on the bulletin, on the sign in front.”

“What that does is that tells people we know that this is an issue, we’re aware of it and we’re here to help. Ananias Foundation encourages churches to not only help victims but we think churches and that relationship with God is uniquely positioned to help those that are causing harm. For every victim, there’s also a perpetrator. What can we do to reach those that are causing harm? When they do discover that, their behavior will change.”

Echoing Clark’s sentiment, Thomas also underscored the need for churches to step up.

“The faith-based community plays a very unique and pivotal role in the effective response to domestic violence within their congregations and their communities,” she said. “This is because survivors of abuse often seek their faith community for spiritual guidance and support before or in lieu of a community program.”

Through her domestic violence ministry, Thomas has worked to provide pastors and their congregations with the necessary training. Her ministry works to “educate the congregation, engage the community and empower the survivor.” Expressing regret that she was not “smart enough to see the red flags” in her abusive relationship, she stressed that from a church’s perspective, “it’s all about prevention.”

As part of its domestic violence ministry, First Baptist Church hosts a monthly support group for victims of domestic violence, offering them “healing” and letting them know that “they have a safe place.” While the coronavirus pandemic has disrupted many aspects of everyday life in the United States, participation in the support group has actually increased during the pandemic.

“As a matter of fact, during the pandemic, our monthly support group numbers have gone up … within the virtual format because it really allows the participants the opportunity to remain anonymous if they desire to do that,” Thomas revealed. “In the support group, you really have an opportunity to connect and walk them through the healing process. So that’s what we do mostly.”

Additionally, she has worked with leadership at the state and local level to advise churches about how to respond to the issue of domestic violence.

“How faith leaders counsel victims of domestic violence can directly impact the outcome for victims, their families & abusers. As a faith leader, I train on effective statements called the Do’s and Don’ts’ which highlights what to say during a counseling session with a survivor,” she explained.

One of the “don’ts” is asking, “What did you do to provoke him?”

“There is no excuse for abuse,” she asserted.

While therapy can be effective for some couples, Thomas advised that if abuse is present in the relationship, couples should not seek counseling together.

“If the therapist tries to hold the abusive partner accountable, they will often refuse to attend further sessions and may even choose to escalate the abuse putting the victim in danger because the abuser feels their power and control was threatened. So abuse is not a couple’s issue,” she pointed out.

Although she believes that many churches have been “reactive instead of proactive” when it comes to addressing the issue of domestic violence, Thomas has hope for the future.

While a survey found that 74% of priests underestimated the amount of domestic violence taking place in their congregations, she was encouraged by the fact that “many of them said that they would answer the call if they received the proper training.”

She stressed, “How we respond as a faith community is critical to the outcome of survivors.”

https://www.christianpost.com/news/former-domestic-abuser-survivor-work-to-end-domestic-violence.html?page=2