By Lissy Kurian
Panaji: On Easter Monday when a young woman with her mother came to our house asking for me, I was perplexed. How did she get my name and find our house, I wondered? But I kept my queries to myself recognizing an emergency.
Hardly had she taken her seat she began to speak, poured her heart out. About an hour later she calmed down and asked, “Could I find a priest who can explain the message of God in my vision”? Can I meet you after 10 days or so? Thank you for listening to me. I feel already much better after talking to you,” she heaved a sigh of relief.
As I closed the door behind her, these lines of a song came to my mind:
“Someone will be calling you to be there for a while.
Can you hear her cry from deep within?
Laughter, joy, and presence: the only gift you are!
Have you time? I’d like to be with you.”
One of the biggest problems in the world today is loneliness. In our life we often meet with people who ask a bit of our time.
The last sentence of my visitor also reminded me of an event. Some years ago, a domestic staff who had returned from her home leave, after dinner that day, requested the director of the Institute, if she could talk to him. He suggested that she could meet him the next morning. By morning she was no more.
One day in our center a young woman came to me sharing her family disputes. As I was alone and customers were trickling in, I suggested that she meet a counselor nearby. Later I repented, that I did not give her a listening ear. I do not know what happened to her after our meeting.
Sharing this incident with a wise friend, I realized, what she needed from me was a listening ear and not any expertise. The stress due to quarrels with spouses and relatives, unfair treatment at work, busy lives, and failures in love…are all taking toll on precious lives.
Often, we fail to recognize the ‘danger zone’ hidden in those who approach `us with the request, ‘can I talk to you.’ They may be friends, colleagues or strangers. We fail to realize the desperate situation they are in, to bare their self with a trustworthy person.
During the first months of lockdown last year, a friend called me and asked, “At least do you have five minutes to give me? All my friends are busy. I had helped many of them in their difficult moments. Now they have no time for me.”
Mental stress takes away the reasoning power and leads one to take ultimate steps.
We could be of great help to another if only we could do what an author Tahereh Mafi says, “All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.”
The stories of many people who end their lives abruptly due to stress or family feuds, or work related misunderstandings, make us reflect on our life in society, workplaces, and families.
The point I come to is that one needs an atmosphere to share the good and bad moments of life with someone who can be trusted. They need no advice, no suggestions.
When confused, or distressed, one is not even able to think of the medical help available. In such moments, intervention of friends can bring in life.
An American actress and a founder of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, Amy Poehler, suggests, “Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you; spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.”
I recall an instance where a friend was instrumental in sending the person concerned to their family doctor. “Why are you walking around like a dead person? Why don’t you go to a doctor?” the friend challenged her. Only then did she realize that she could seek medical help.
The doctor in turn suggested that she speak to someone rather than putting her under medication. “If you begin with the tablets you will have to take them all your lifetime to live a quality life,” the doctor gently reminded her, for which she was eternally grateful.
Have you time to spare for me?
Victor Frankl, an eminent Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, once had a depressed patient ringing him late at night to tell him that she was about to commit suicide.
Frankl spoke to her until dawn, giving her rationale after rationale to embrace life anew. After a whole lot of persuasion she assured him that she won’t take her life. Later when Viktor met his patient and asked her what among his suggestions made her reverse her decision she simply said, “None of them.”
The nonplussed doctor pressed her further and was then told that his willingness to listen for long without passing judgment was what made her change her mind and understand that it was still worthwhile to live.
Please listen…. a life could depend on it.