By Ladislaus Louis D’Souza

Mumbai: A common element of social communications that has become the key feature of the way we communicate is WhatsApp. Undeniably, however, this facet has also proved to be the bane of several relationships.

Determining what is good for this social media platform users and what isn’t has never been easy—Is repeating a forward okay? What’s wrong with circulating old news snippets? Is it too much to expect the recipient to delete something found unacceptable? And so it is that well-meaning individuals and groups have been struggling with the issue of exacting maximum benefit from WhatsApp use with the minimum discontent and disquiet possible.

Suggested below are some norms of etiquette collated from personal research and interaction that would help make for smooth relational WhatsApp use for members and admins alike.

Keep in mind that –

1. We are all in the group to have fun, learn from, and entertain each other! So, live your life amiably, learning how to socialize and improve your social skills, and making new friends.
2. You are unique—without you the group would be less interesting.
3. Every member of the group is important, none bigger than the rest. So mutual respect is paramount!
4. No one gets paid. Rather, volunteering efforts that help fortify the group’s closeness is a thing of love and shared concern. So never expect someone else to build the group, but do your best by making your own valuable contribution.
5. Nothing is original, all are ‘forwards’! Yet, it’s best to circulate forwards only after verifying their correctness.
6. Overlooking repeats may be considered normal by some. Nevertheless, an indication of a sense of maturity on the part of each member lies in at least glancing at forwards so as to ensure that we ourselves don’t ever repeat them.
7. Essentially, reacting wisely to repeats with related information as to their veracity or falsity would be most apt, saving as it does in the long run, every member’s valuable time and energy.
8. It’d be ideal to treat everyone and everything with just the right blend of seriousness and lightheartedness it deserves, ensuring that your comment on a given post enriches it rather than fosters an argument.

The specifics –
9. Be discerning – If you imagine that a group text will remain private, i.e. between members, think again! Anything shared digitally risks going public at any time. If you wouldn’t want the information shared publicly, ensure you don’t share it on a group chat.
10. Input = interest -Having accepted your inclusion in a group, staying silent can be taken as an affront. For the sake of the relationships you value, chime in periodically with, “Hey! Haven’t had the time to keep up! But here’re my two-bits…!” Likewise, instead of single-word responses like “yup” or a curt “k”, something like “sounds good to me”, or “Hmm… can’t wait to be there!” would sound better. Much emotion getting lost in digital banter, carefully chosen words and sentences can help clarify communication, besides deepening relationships.
11. Mute rather than quit – If a group chat interrupts your work or becomes bothersome, rather than leave the group, which could appear impolite, mute the conversation. If you’ve been mistakenly added or, perhaps, don’t think you belong, message the originator/admin of the group privately, seeking an exit.
12. Stay relevant -All members being responsible to the purpose of the group: (a) if the group was established as confidential, maintain that status; (b) if the chat emerged around a school event or business-related issue, make sure the content you share stays relevant to the group; (c) if you have a separate question, topic, or concern you’d like to discuss outside of the group chat, message individuals directly; (d) uploading random memes, inside jokes, or starting arbitrary conversations with individual members is disrespectful.
13. Avoid ‘text bombing’ – Expecting recipients to delete your text if found unacceptable is crass. Rather, think before you text in. Considering that no one fancies repeated phone text alerts, organize your thoughts, condensing them in a single message rather than send multiple consecutive texts—widely known as ‘text bombing’.
14. Smartphone mischief! – Group chats can feel comfortable pretty fast. Yet, our smartphones being extra-smart, misunderstandings do arise easily, confounding confusion, obnoxious comments flying thick and fast. To minimize conflict, (a) be neither too hasty nor too casual with your comments; (b) carefully read, review, correct and clarify your posts before hitting send. If you don’t stop and take time to communicate properly, an ambiguous utterance can be misconstrued as offensive. Imagine messaging someone that you are going to ‘Borivili’ and being asked the next day as to how you made it back so fast from ‘Bolivia’! (c) If you suspect friction, address it promptly with the group, or through direct individual messages with the members concerned; (d) check on quiet members to rule out feelings of exclusion or paranoia in a group chat.
15. Keep up with the context – If you’ve missed the point of a comment or query, don’t randomly post “what?” or “huh?” seeking a recap. Instead, make due effort to scroll up to get the details and context in question.
16. Be smart, stay safe – If you don’t personally know all the members in a group you’ve been added to, refrain from parting with personal or confidential information such as your full name and contact particulars, names of family members, your social security or credit card numbers, least of all hints concerning your passwords. Likewise, refrain from sharing similar data concerning fellow members without the express consent of those concerned. Dishonesty can rear its ugly head at any time, exploiting a digital relationship.
17. Decorum – Sometimes the social, cultural, or political climate can spill over into group chats, conversations instantly going from fun to emotionally-charged. While you can’t control the crowd, you can certainly control yourself. Take a step back and carefully weigh comments. Even in the midst of disagreeing, show respect, compassion, and kindness.
18. Balance is everything – If seemingly efficient multiple digital relationships tax you emotionally, maybe it’s time for a group chat detox. Using technology wisely and teaching the young to do likewise is crucial to living a healthy, balanced digital life. Texting can never equal the value of a face-to-face chat or personal time with friends.
19. Greetings – Sharing greetings for a given season or occasion on members’ personal chatlines can make for further bonding. However, not an impersonal “Hi! Happy Diwali/Christmas/Birthday…” but “Hello Zita! A happy Christmas/Diwali/Birthday…” is what will work wonders!

The time for such norms for WhatsApp use etiquette as above is nigh. And rather than wait for the government to impose restrictions on our WhatsApp use, its best to apply common sense.

It would be great to recall what Judith Martin, an American columnist, author, and etiquette authority, says: “Freedom without rules doesn’t work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette.”