By Ekta Stephen
Bijnor, March 5, 2023: I dream of a world where men and women are equal in every sphere of life. A world free of bias, stereotype and discriminating towards women — A world where difference is valued and celebrated, where no one feels high and low, where difference of gender is respected.
I love to see women driving cars, riding motorbikes, working hand in hand with men, in every field. But, sad to say that very few women have this opportunity. To be successful, a woman has to be twice better at her job than a man. Although gender equality has been a major concern in our country and the world at large, women still receive unfair treatment in our family, society, church, workplace.
I am a social worker in northern India, where I am surprised to see the conditions of women and girls in villages. They are less privileged than the male members of the family. The girls are pulled out of the school when they hit puberty because they are considered ready for marriage and babies, at the age of twelve or thirteen.
They are trained to look after their families, do the domestic work, collecting fodders for cattle and cleaning buffaloes. The boys on the other hand enjoy their childhood.
The basic human rights, such as education and healthcare are denied just because they are women. When their parents are asked why they do not send the girls to school, they say that they cannot afford to send both son and daughter to the school. So, they choose to educate the boys.
Parents also think that eventually daughters will get married and money spent on their education is a waste. Parents are afraid to send girls out, fearing they would bring disgrace to the family whereas boys can remain out late night. Girls are taught not to talk and laugh loudly. They have even been brainwashed to perform only for household works and that one day they have to get married and bring up children and serve their husbands.
The hand that rocks the cradle, the procreator, the mother of tomorrow, is not given any place in society. Girls have the power to change the world, yet today, girls are not allowed to set foot in a classroom unlike their brothers, despite the “Beti bachao Beti Padhao” (Save the Daughter, Educate the Daughter) program of the government.
Menstruation is still a taboo and stigma in our society, it is considered shameful to talk about it. It’s a matter to be hidden from others. Girls are ashamed of their body.
During my MSW practical in Rajasthan I learnt that 9 out of 10 girls do not have the knowledge about menstruation at the time of their first period. Most of the girls, whom I have spoken to about it, told me that they are ignorant about it and, they thought, that they got blood cancer.
Hygienic ways of managing menstruation are out of question. Menstruation hygiene is very important otherwise it causes reproductive tract infection. Due to shame and fear they never get medication even if they are infected. Social restrictions are imposed upon girls and women during those days from generation to generation. They are considered as dirty, unholy and secluded from other family members. Can you imagine how it affects the self-esteem and self- confidence of a young girl, the psychological trauma that she goes through?
We have formed Self Help Groups in twenty villages in the Noorpur block of Uttar Pradesh’s Bijnor district. Each group has 10to 12 members. Every second woman of the group is a widow. The reason is that their husbands were drunkards, after their daily work, most of them spent their earnings in a village liquor shop. Some women are left alone at a very young age to look after their small kids.
Drunkard husbands ruin the happy family, beating the wives, neglecting the responsibility of their families. Excessive alcohol leads them to develop serious diseases. Most of them die due to alcohol poisoning.
Domestic violence is another major issue found in this place. Women suffer emotionally and physically within the four walls. However children are also not exempted from this inhuman behavior of their fathers. I know many heart touching stories from the members of the SHG.
Anita (name is changed), 30 years old, was married at the age of 18. She has two small kids. Her husband works in a factory in a nearby city. He comes home once a month. Whenever the husband is at home, Anita has bruises on her face or any other part of her body. When we ask her, she says that she slipped down and got injured.
The other time Anita was seriously injured and was hospitalized. Later she disclosed that she was sexually abused by her husband. She was pregnant for four months but was beaten up by her husband on her abdomen with a helmet which led to miscarriage.
Sunita, another member of an SHG, aged 35, lost her husband after 10 years of her marriage due to excessive drinking. She is left alone with two daughters. Her in-laws evicted her of the property rights saying she has only two daughters who cannot inherit the family property.
The high masculine sex ratio of the Indian population has been a matter of concern for many decades. I wonder why people do not want to parent a female kid. Female infanticide and feticide are predominantly practiced in this region.
One reason boys are more valued than girls are, is to preserve the lineage, as people believe family lineage and family name are carried only by males. Therefore boy child’s birth is celebrated in the family whereas at the birth of a girl child brings sadness
In some villages in Rajasthan, the village pradhan (chief) takes charge of sex determination of a child. The birth of a baby girl is considered a bad omen. Therefore all the girl children are aborted in seedy clinics without caring for the health of the mother. They have a myth and misconception that, if the mother dies during the abortion, it’s because she had a girl child in her womb.
Honor killing is another brutal practice where girls and women are killed for defiling a family’s honour by allegedly engaging in sexual activity or other improprieties before marriage or outside of marriage in this region. “Improper” behavior justifies grounds for killing.
A girl is killed most often by male kin – father, husband, brother, uncle, or cousin – to restore the honour of her family. Whereas the male members having many relationships outside their marriages are still supported and protected by the family. If a man has an extramarital relationship, very often his wife is accused of not being able to protect her marriage.
Declining moral and ethical standards and increasing crimes against women lead to disempowerment of women. On top of that, some politician’s facile and preposterous comments affect the state of women, such as late UP politician Mulayam Singh Yadav saying “ladke ladke hai… galti ho jati hai”(boys will be boys they will commit mistakes), or UP Chief Minister M Yogi Adityanath writing, “Women power does not require freedom, but protection and channelization.”
Gender equality has been a pressing issue in India. The Constitution of India guarantees equal rights for men and women who are worshiped and respected in many forms. Yet in today’s scenario these have no meaning. Our society has accorded different status and roles to men and women.
You have touched on some of the very relevant issues Ekta…!