By Kochurani Abraham
Kottayam, Aug 10, 2024: The recent death of a nun by suicide in Kerala sent shock waves to many who are genuinely concerned about the well being of the Church as a community of believers.
The official press release by the provincial of the nun stated that since many years she has been suffering from different ailments and she was spending time in prayer in a retreat house of the same congregation, where was found dead on the 12th day of her retreat.
On making a personal enquiry about this with some sisters of the same province on what could have led this nun to suicide, I was told that she was depressed because of her sickness. But they also admitted that she was not taken to a psychiatrist for any treatment of depression. It was further acknowledged that she was sent for a long retreat because of some other disturbing factors.
Whatever be the issue underlying the disturbances that the nun was going through, it is surprising that the congregational leadership resorted to a long retreat as a possible solution. This raises many questions related to this incident, which could be applicable also to our everyday situations.
How can we address deeper problems underlying crisis situations and what do we make of spirituality? Has it become like a flowery carpet under which we can shelve concerns that we do not want to face or cannot handle? Is the cloak of piety a handy band-aid for afflictions of any nature, providing an easy cover to the festering concerns that lie beneath?
In the case of the nun who took the extreme step of ending her life, one thing that is clear is that she was going through a very stressful situation. Apparently, for her, suicide was a possible way out of the anguish she was experiencing.
Reflecting on this very distressing incident, I am reminded of a biblical verse from the book of prophet Isaiah, which says: “A bruised reed he will not break and a dimly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice” (Is.42:3). I wonder what this text attributed to Jesus as God’s chosen servant (Mt 12:20) is saying to us today, against the backdrop of such unfortunate incidents that happen, not just in Kerala or India, but anywhere in the world.
When the news of nun’s suicide spread through the social media, many people expressed shock as it involved a person living consecrated life. This shock got aggravated with the news of a priest committing suicide, just four days later in another place in Kerala (Matters India, July 25, 2024). Some wondered how this could happen since priests and nuns are expected to be closer to God and they are professionals in the sphere of religion.
Possibly such reactions result from an outlook that sees nuns and priests as superhuman beings, clothed in an aura of pious spiritual practices. Perhaps, happenings of this nature are a reminder that priests and nuns are also very much human, with hormones, desires, feelings and failures like the rest of humankind.
They too experience emotions like any other human being when distressed due to illness or other factors that maybe causing fear, guilt or shame. But if they get cornered further through blame or if there is no one who can extend to them the healing touch of understanding, they may not see a way out of the darkness that envelops them.
This can happen to anyone going through a critical phase in one’s life, be it in a family, a religious community or elsewhere. When people confront crushing situations, there is a longing for a human touch or any other intervention that could bring comfort and an assurance that all is not lost. In that hope-giving presence, where ‘the bruised reed’ does not get broken, it is easier to encounter the Spirit who opens the path back to life.
Spirituality implies practices that can lead a person from fear to freedom, from woundedness to healing and from despair to hope. Healthy spiritual exercises undertaken by an individual or a community leads to the experience of life-giving energies. Hence it cannot be imposed as a disciplinary measure as it could lead to further distress and dejection.
An overview on “Uncertainty in deaths of nuns in Kerala over 30 years” seeks “justice to the victims and proper investigation in such mishappenings” and adds that “introspection to this effect is the need of the hour on part of the Church.” (International Journal of Indian Psychology , Vol. 8, Issue 3, July- Sep, 2020).
Perhaps, the suicide of a nun during a retreat is a wakeup call for all to engage in a critical introspection of how we address challenging and knotty situations. It calls us to live spirituality as modeled by Jesus Christ, who would not allow a ‘bruised reed’ to be broken, or a ‘dimly burning wick’ to be quenched.
The nuns’ congregations of Kerala are taking an ostrich-like stance about the malaise of repeated suicides. The moot question is why are still girls/women joining nunhood? Is it a because of poverty?
Thank you Kochurani for that insightful article drawing attention to an illness that is not named and thus trivialized as a passing phase rather than treating it. Nuns and priests are products of our times and their choice to live a religious life does not make them immune from the traumas and consequences of growing up in a society that focuses on individualism and consequently poor social emotional maturity. In religious spheres as well as among the laity, sadly ‘prayer,’ ‘spiritual healing retreats & prayer services,’ are prescribed as remedies for everything from sadness to grief, depression to not fitting into ‘norms’ of behaviour and sexuality that are considered acceptable.
My heart goes out to the numerous ‘bruised reeds’ in our families and communities, parishes and congregations who feel alone and alienated as they battle their fears, insecurities, experiences etc. I cringe when we talk of a synodal Church that journeys with all when we have labels and reasons for othering, excluding, treating differently, the many who are part of our lives. As Jesus’ disciples my constant question is WWJD – What Would Jesus Do? I don’t remember him telling anyone who came to him to ‘Go and Pray’ instead he responded in love, compassion and unjudgmental acceptance, healed and accompanied. I pray that we try to get to know the real Jesus and follow him rather than the alien who is preached from most of our pulpits and modelled by a significant number of our leaders
“The recent death of a nun by suicide in Kerala sent shock waves to many who are genuinely concerned about the wellbeing of the Church as a community of believers.”
The root of the problem is that we are more concerned about the well being of the Church, and less concerned about the well being of the nuns who die by suicide.
In the mid-1980s media in Kerala was agog with reports about Catholic girls from the state being taken to Italy with the promise of a career in nursing ending up as domestic helps in convents in Europe. The matter came to light when two girls belonging to a group of seven sent to Italy managed to return to the state after realising that the promised career in nursing was only a bait to lure them into a life in the convents.
Long before the Italian connection came to the media limelight in the state, Sunday Times of London published a report in the 1970s about girls from Kerala being recruited for becoming nuns in West Germany. The girls were recruited to tide over the acute shortage of nuns in West Germany as the increasingly affluent West Germany found it difficult to attract local girls for the God’s Call. The London newspaper alluding the recruitment as something akin to ‘human trafficking’ created a stir internationally as Catholic Church was officially involved in the matter.
Recently, journalists tried to trace some of the women who had been sent to Germany. They could trace only a few of them. Some were in good positions in the German convents, others had died, and some had returned to India. Maybe many had also escaped.
Today Kerala is also facing a shortage of nuns. Families have shrunk, educated girls seek other career opportunities. Kerala which has one of the oldest Christian communities in the country was once the largest producer of nuns. Now there are hardly any young nuns in the convents.
The Church is looking for new areas. More girls are being recruited from tribal regions of Jharkhand, Chhattisgarh, Orissa, Madhya Pradesh, and the North East.
Despite all its stated good intentions, Catholic Church has a predatory character and like all predatory animals it has sharp claws or jaws to grip, kill, and cut up their prey.
Of the young women who join convents, some manage to escape, most adjust themselves to the convent life but a few chose to end their lives.