Sons need to be educated urgently

By M L Satyan

Coimbatore, Aug 27, 2024: As India is witnessing an upsurge of sexual abuses, we tend to think that we need to protect girls. Continuous advice is given to parents: “Protect your daughters.”

In fact, this advice is not debated. But a spontaneous question arises: “Is it enough to protect our daughters?” At this introspective stage, I received a thought-provoking WhatsApp picture with a caption: “Educate your sons.”

Frightening Facts:

• An average 90 rapes a day were reported in India in 2022, according to data from India’s National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB).
• We are now in 2024. The true figure is likely to be much higher, as many such crimes go unreported due to fear of reprisal, prevailing stigmas around victims and a lack of faith in police investigations.
• In 2023, the Georgetown Institute for Women, Peace and Security ranked India 128 among 177 countries in its annual index on women’s inclusion, justice and security.
• According to the World Bank, 35 percent of Indian women between the ages of 15 and 49 have experienced physical or sexual violence at the hands of their partners, higher than the world average of 27 percent.
• Nearly 45,000 rape cases were investigated between 2022 and 2023, the latest year for which statistics are available from India’s NCRB. But among the cases that went to trial, there were convictions in just over 5,000 — a rate of 27.4 percent, lower than for cases of murder, kidnapping and other violent crimes.
• Many schools lack policies around sexual harassment, teachers often feel ill-prepared to identify or intervene when they witness harassment, and students have little trust that adults will protect them even if they do speak up.
• Too many young people receive confusing and conflicting information about puberty, relationships, love and sex, as they make the transition from childhood to adulthood. A growing number of studies show that young people are turning to the digital environment as a key source of information about sexuality.
• Gender abusive languages, taking the name of a mother or sister, have become normal and accepted among the youth.

Comprehensive Sexuality Education:

It is a curriculum-based process of teaching and learning about the cognitive, emotional, physical and social aspects of sexuality. It aims to equip children and young people with knowledge, skills, attitudes and values that empowers them to realize their health, well-being and dignity; develop respectful social and sexual relationships; consider how their choices affect their own well-being and that of others; and understand and ensure the protection of their rights throughout their lives.

CSE presents sexuality with a positive approach, emphasizing values such as respect, inclusion, non-discrimination, equality, empathy, responsibility and reciprocity. It reinforces healthy and positive values about bodies, puberty, relationships, sex and family life.

UNESCO believes that with CSE, young people learn to treat each other with respect and dignity from an early age and gain skills for better decision making, communications, and critical analysis. They learn they can talk to an adult they trust when they are confused about their bodies, relationships and values.

They learn to think about what is right and safe for them and how to avoid coercion, sexually transmitted infections including HIV, and early and unintended pregnancy, and where to go for help. They learn to identify what violence against children and women looks like, including sexual violence, and to understand injustice based on gender. They learn to uphold universal values of equality, love and kindness.

Tips for parents:

• Use appropriate language: Teach children proper names for all body parts, including their genitals. Using other names for body parts may give the impression that they are bad and cannot be talked about.
• Do not force affection: Do not force your children to give hugs or kisses. It is OK for them to tell even grandma or grandpa that they do not want to give them a kiss or a hug goodbye. Teach your child alternate ways to show affection and respect without close physical touch.
• Reinforce that people should respect each other: Discuss about “good touch and bad touch”. Tell them how it is never OK for anyone to look at or touch their private parts without their permission. At the same time, they should not look at or touch other people’s bodies without their permission.
• Regular Review: Some good times to talk to your children about personal safety are during bath time, bedtime, doctor visits and before any new situation. Giving them tools to recognize and respond to uncomfortable situations is very important.
• Expect questions: You must be open to questions your child asks and the answers that are appropriate to give will depend on your child’s age and ability to understand. It is always important to tell the truth.

Elder M. Russell Ballard identified seven things that every parent can do to minimize the negative effect media can have on families:

1) Hold family councils and decide what the media standards are going to be.
2) Spend sufficient quality time with the children so that they understand that parents are consistently the main influence in their lives, not the media or any peer group.
3) Make good media choices and set good examples for the children.
4) Limit the amount of time the children watch TV or play video games or use the internet each day.
5) Use ‘internet filters’ and ‘TV program locks’ to prevent children from chancing upon things they should not see.
6) Have TVs and computers in a much-used common room in the home, not in a bedroom or a private place.
7) Take time to watch appropriate media with the children and discuss with them how to make choices that will uplift and build rather than degrade and destroy. (Source: LDS Family Services).

Parents can lay the foundation in the family for self-control, proper understanding of sexuality, and healthy emotional development by providing a secure environment in which healthy attitudes will grow. Love, kindness, good communication, and appropriate expressions of affection are vital.

Within the context of a warm and loving relationship, we will have our greatest influence as we teach our children to have a proper attitude about sexuality, warn them against unhealthy and immoral practices, and instil in them the desire to remain chaste and virtuous. Responsible societies minimize negative influences that affect young children. It is our responsibility to save our youth, especially the boys, and safeguard them from moving towards disaster.