By Roy Alex
Thiruvananthapuram, Nov 11, 2024: A wise grandfather once told me that the world has only two wonders that he appreciates with both admiration and curiosity. The first wonder is nature’s breathtaking beauty, which always reflects God’s greatness and glory. Then he looked down at the child holding his hand and said, “He is my second wonder, always surprising me.”
As he talked about his grandson, the child ran towards the gate to open it for an elderly man who often visited their home seeking assistance. The child started cheerfully chatting with him. Watching this scene, the grandfather told me, “These little children always amaze us with angelic purity of their minds. Their hearts are full of kindness, their actions are genuine, untouched by life’s complications.”
Children express their emotions so freely, reminding us of the beauty of the untainted spirit. These little ones are little wonders in our lives-living and breathing examples of innocence and unfiltered generosity.
The famous quote, “Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven,” by Henry Ward beautifully portrays how children bring us closer to purity, innocence and unconditional love that encapsulates the heavenly spirit in our midst. If we have some time to experience the world with the children, especially through their eyes, we feel that heaven is closer than we often realise.
It is not a faraway place but a feeling, a moment shared, a glimpse of something greater through a child’s wonder and joy. However, many parents in this modern world who are wrapped up in work and responsibilities miss these glimpses of heaven. The best gift that parents can give their children is their time. Children may not ask directly, but they might say, “Papa or Mama, can you play with me?” While this question seems innocent, it is an invitation to spend time with them.
One day, I saw a young mother with her UKG child outside the school rabbit cage. The child was utterly fascinated. He started observing the rabbits, counting them, watched their movements and seemed lost in wonder, fully absorbed in his exploration. Once the mother called him to move on, but seeing his genuine interest, she remained there. Instead of rushing or pulling him away, the mother waited patiently, allowing his curiosity to unfold at its own pace.
The greatest gift parents can offer their children is not something material, but their time, love and undivided attention. When parents spend time being present with their children, they indirectly communicate that their children are more important than anything else in the world. Spending quality time with the children becomes a strong foundation of trust and connection that will stay with them for life. The children feel secure, loved and understood, knowing their parents are truly there for them.
Time, love and attention cannot be wrapped up in a box and given as a gift. However, it is the daily sacrifices parents make for their children that ultimately shape who they become and how they view themselves and the world.
Each child is unique and possesses their own special talents and gifts. It is the responsibility of the parents to understand their children well. Parenthood is about embracing and celebrating the child you have rather than clinging to an idealised version of who you thought they might be.
One day, a father and mother came to my office and requested me to advise their child to attend football coaching early in the morning. However, I knew this child very well. I had observed that, even during recess and lunch breaks, this child preferred to stay in the classroom and read something. Since this child had a passion for reading and was skilled with computers, I suggested to the parents to focus on understanding his strengths and interests instead of pushing him toward something that he did not enjoy.
Parents are responsible for guiding their children to discover and nurture their talents rather than steering them towards paths that may not resonate with their hearts. Once a child’s strengths are identified, it is the parent’s responsibility to provide continuous support and appreciation. When Parents and teachers beautifully create an environment that encourages children to freely explore their interests and talents, they boost the children’s confidence and allow them to blossom in their respective fields.
It is very important for the child to feel accepted and appreciated. Children seek appreciation from their parents and teachers, which becomes a source of encouragement for them. The little children are eager to share their achievements with parents or teachers and wait for an appreciation and affirmation for their efforts. I have observed the little ones in the LKG and UKG classes waiting for their parents to share their achievements.
As soon as their parents arrive to pick them up in the evening, the children excitedly say: “Pappa, or Mamma, I got four stars today or the teacher said something nice about me.” Some of the parents respond to them with warm hugs or kisses, while others, unfortunately, do not give much attention to these joyful moments.
Once I saw a child crying after his performance on the stage. I approached him and gently asked what was wrong. Then he told me, “My mother promised she would come to see my performance, but I could not find her in the auditorium.” This child was waiting for an appreciation from his mother whom he loved so much.
Parents’ presence and encouragement can turn the smallest achievement of a child into a cherished memory. When parents and teachers find some time to celebrate the small achievements of children, they give them confidence and encourage them to strive harder and believe in their confidence. When the children find that their parents’ support is missing, it is a disheartening experience for them.
As author Catherine M. Wallace wisely said, “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”
As parents and teachers, we tend to react to the misbehaviour of the children with frustration or even disappointment. Instead of listening to them we might scold them or punish them. However, if we take a moment to pause, to look beyond the behaviour and into the possible reasons behind it, we often see the helpless child who carries heavy burdens in his/her heart.
Annette Breaux, one of the most entertaining and informative speakers in education today reminds us that “Remember: everyone in the classroom has a story that leads to misbehaviour or disobedience. 9 times out of 10, the story behind the misbehaviour won’t make you angry. It will break your heart.”
Her words offer a profound reminder of the unseen struggles many children face in their lives that might become the reason for their misbehaviour in the classroom or at home. Many children face issues like family problems, lack of stability at home or difficulties with self-esteem. They might be struggling with loneliness, sorrow and the need for acceptance.
The class teacher used to send a boy to my office for not maintaining his uniforms neatly. Despite multiple meetings and firm reminders, he continued wearing wrinkled uniforms, often neglected his school belt and rarely brought his school diary to the school. The class teacher constantly guided him but the behaviour persisted.
One day morning, I called the boy for a longer conversation with him, allowing him to speak openly. It was then, I finally understood the reason behind his behaviour. His parents overwhelmed by their busy schedules could not give him the attention he needed. His basic needs went unnoticed and he was left to navigate his day-today life without much support and guidance.
This moment was a revelation – a reminder that behind every act of misbehaviour or carelessness, there might be an unspoken need or silent cry for help. When we find time to listen to the children, we can understand the reasons behind their behaviour. This understanding allows us to respond with empathy and support they truly need.
The parenting approach today seems to be focussed more on control instead of connection. The control-oriented parenting is trying to modify the behaviour of children. it relies on negativity, criticism, hostility, reproach, intimidation and rejection. The child may respond to it for a short term out of fear. However, in the long-term, the child may reject parent’s suggestions and keep away from you.
The connection-oriented parenting focuses on making a respectful and mutually supportive relationship with the child. This approach encourages children to feel valued and understood, making them more open to parent’s guidance. With mutual respect and trust, children become more likely to embrace and internalize the values we hope to instil in them.
Parenting should be rooted in love, compassion and understanding and children are greatly influenced by those with whom they share the deepest respect and strongest emotional connections.