By Stanislaus Alla
New Delhi, Aug 27, 2025: Today, August 28, is the feast of Saint Augustine. Most of us remember him as an ex-sinner, a bad son of a pious mother. St Monica’s prayers and tears, and his own conversion, fused Augustine into a wonderful Christian, theologian and bishop. Scholars recall his books such as Confessions and City of God.
Born into an ethnic group called Berbers, native to today’s Algeria in North Africa, he remained an extraordinary luminary, a pillar of the Church.
Is it enough to see him simply as an ex-sinner, who after conversion, lived a holy life?
Lives of such extraordinary people who had a ‘before’ and an ‘after’ in their lives, marked by a seismic shift, are hardly models for us. Most of us are not notorious sinners, the Sauls-turned-into-Pauls. We know that between black and white, there are many shades of grey.
Well-known sinners, be in the Bible or elsewhere, or the extremely pious and devout saints are usually remembered but their lives do not necessarily guide us. In our lives, we crawl and walk, collapse and crash, get up and run, and slowly move on -and life normally goes this way. Few of us can claim that after conversion, our lives are totally different. There are a few who stories are meant for the books, but for many, routine life is what marks them.
The idea that you were once children of darkness, and now God made you children of light can cripple more than illumine. Very few of us manage to live radically different lives, post-conversion. Such images (for instance, the prodigal son) tend to remain at a distance. That is not what most people experience. Our life is more like an ongoing journey, where we strive to be good and yet commit sins, and still move on, trusting in the Lord’s mercy.
More than we have imagined, in a way, Augustine is a model for us, too, for being very human and fragile and vulnerable. For crying sincerely, with sorrow and with joy, realizing who God is, who we are and who we are called to be. He was broken and he was always willing to be healed. Being transparent, Augustine, sincerely acknowledged what was wrong with him and how he had to fight many demons deep within and all around. Eventually, Augustine remained as a person of integrity.
Many Christians, laity or clergy or religious, struggle to reveal themselves -what is going on in their souls- or share about what demons they are fighting and how they plan to navigate.
Augustine was a sinner, and so we are! However, here is the difference: he was sincere and humble enough to acknowledge and reveal to others (sharing with friends or spiritual guides and by writing, as in the Confessions) the darker/struggling side of his life. Recognizing one’s sinfulness and seeking forgiveness and healing is not a one-time event. It takes the entirety of one’s life. Healing is a lifetime process.
In the contemporary world, many fight demons but they wage wars all alone. Many are afraid of revealing themselves or sharing their vulnerabilities. Arguably, we are desperately lonely and are afraid of letting others know about ourselves and the stories of our souls.
The world is too much with us! Let us remember that not only Monica cried but Augustine also cried, and those tears healed and sanctified him. Speaking about the gift of tears, Pope Francis once said that we need to cry, and if we forget to cry, then we need to learn to cry! Tears nourish and heal, and possibly sanctify as well.