By M L Satyan
Bengaluru, Aug 18, 2022: Raksha Bandhan was celebrated all over the country on August 11. Many families celebrated it meaningfully.
Yet, here is a shocking story. “Madam, everything is over in my life. I do not want to live and I want to die,” cried Meena (name changed), a young unmarried girl who works as a tailoring teacher in an NGO in Andhra Pradesh. Sensing something very serious, Radha (name changed), the NGO director, started probing into the matter.
Meena said, “Madam, my parents had gone to my aunt’s house two days ago. My elder brother and I were at home. Yesterday I wanted to celebrate Raksha Bandhan. In the morning my brother went out and returned with his friend. I tied Rakhi to my brother and his friend. They promised me a surprise gift in the evening. I was eagerly waiting for it.”
“They both returned home around 9 pm. I could sense that they were drunk. They had brought food from a hotel. They made me eat. They asked me, “Meena, do you want a special gift?” I said, “Yes”. Immediately they took me to the bed room and bolted the door. I did not know what was happening.” She stopped and cried again. Her body was literally shaking with fear.
With a trembling voice she said, “Madam, my brother and his friend started drinking liquor. After sometime my brother allowed his friend to rape me. I resisted but in vain. In a drunken mood my brother was watching the whole episode. Everything is over in my life and I want to die. Please help me madam”.
The NGO took control of the situation and acted swiftly. After a day-long counselling, Meena changed her plan of committing suicide and became sober.
Her case was reported to the police. The matter did not go to the media. With the help of the police, the accused was taken to the psychiatrist for counselling. Meena, her brother and parents (of girl and boy) too underwent counselling. As a result of the counselling, the rapist boy agreed to marry Meena. The wedding may happen in a month or two. The NGO took the lead in every initiative in order to bring the negative story to a positive end.
In most cases, rape is committed to appease sexual urge or to settle a personal revenge. In Meena’s case it was a sheer cheating and betrayal. She had trusted her brother and his friend and believed that they would safeguard her but they shattered her trust. The ‘Rakshaks’ (protectors) became ‘Raakshasas’ (perpetrators) and committed the heinous crime.
India is a land where many goddesses are worshipped. Many rivers have female names. We consider the country as ‘Mother India.’ We have a tradition of revering women. One such occasion is “Raksha Bandhan” during which sisters/women seek the blessing of their brothers/male members who in turn make a promise/ resolution to protect their sisters/female members of the family/society. The ultimate purpose of this celebration is to strengthen the bond between brothers and sisters. In reality how far the men keep up their promise is a million-dollar question.
Shockingly, there have been incidents where husbands have forced their wives to appease the sexual appetite of their bosses or friends for a career growth or financial gain. In most cases the women do not have the courage to oppose their husbands due to various reasons. They get exploited and oppressed by their so called ‘life-partners’ and ‘life protectors’.
An educational institution is regarded as the ‘temple of wisdom.’ Today what happens in schools/colleges/universities is very disturbing. Incidents of sexual abuse by teachers are on the increase these days and they make us wonder whether the students are in the safe hands. The lust-filled, selfish and immature teachers spoil the traditional image of considering educational institutions as ‘temples of wisdom’. It is very unfortunate that Sex Education/Life skill education has still not become a part of the curriculum.
The god-men/priests have the responsibility to protect women who are in their jurisdiction. With much reverence and blind faith, devotees approach them. Many selfish and fake god-men misuse the simple faith of the people, especially women, and abuse them to the maximum extent. Some classic personalities are Asaram Bapu, Sant Rampal, Gurmeet Ram Rahim and Nithyananda etc. Many reported and un-reported cases reveal the truth that the selfish god-men commit heinous crimes against women instead of providing spiritual help and protecting them. They promise ‘heaven’ to the women devotees but throw them into the ‘hell’. All in the name of God and religion!
Many selfish and criminal-minded male members are actively involved in women trafficking and flesh trade. Many professional agents induce innocent and career-aspiring women to get into modelling, club dancing, acting in porn-films and prostitution. The unknown fact is that many of these women are sexually abused at every level by the agents, commercial advertisers, directors and technicians (makeup men and camera men) etc.
The political leaders and the bureaucrats are supposed to safeguard women in the society. But many of them misuse women on various occasions to satiate their sexual appetite. We have witnessed MLAs/MPs watching porn materials during assembly/parliament sessions. A few days ago, a politician in Bengaluru said, “If women want government jobs, they must be ready to sleep with the politicians or government officials.”
It is sad to note that very often we witness rapes taking place in police custody in various parts of the country. When the rape victims, who have been subjected to different types of harassment, approach the police, they get very negative or lukewarm response. The police take undue advantage of the situation and try to harass the vulnerable victims further.
Today we live in an era where man-woman relationship is falling apart. Men look at women as an object of pleasure and as a source of satiating their lust. The increasing number of rape cases is the result of this sick mind-set.
Let every responsible man introspect and ask himself – “Is it enough to get a Rakhi tied in the hands and make an oral promise to the sisters/women? What measures do I initiate to protect and safeguard this vulnerable group? Ultimately who is responsible for my sisters/women members in my family/society?
Sex Education/Life skill education must become part of the curriculum in the educational institutions. Our thinking, talking, attitude and behaviour need to become positive and healthy. Our personal transformation must build healthy relationships between men and women and pave way for a lasting social transformation.
One thing I specially notice is Sathyan’s argument about forgiveness. Yes, there is nothing that cannot be forgiven, according to our Jesus. For this there should not be any discrimination. Why were you not favouring ex priest Robin’s suggestion ( or decision) to marry the victim ? There is a reason , that is the doubt on the trust and reliability about his future conduct ; the anxiety that the victim should not be cheated because of the possibility of a selfish change in him . The same trust and reliability must be factors that dissuade us to disfavour the accused in this Andhra Pradesh case too. The sincerity of thoughts in the minds of the accused can be read only by God.
Sexcrimes have nothing to do with sex education. Sex education proposed by governments is to teach the details of genitals, how to avoid pregnancy, the safe methods for abortion etc. The sex education must impart moral values,the sacredness of human body, the need to abstain from sex, the importance of marital sexual relationship etc. Sex crimes are mainly due to lack of moral values , sheer disrespect of the personality of another human being , and the faith in the saying “ boys are after all boys”.
A small error is made in the last sentence of my comment. The corrected sentence is:
“Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
My humble response to Virginia:
If all the rape victims are “punished”, then, what is your response to the accused rapists in Bilkis Bano case in Gujarat? Twelve men were arrested. One died and the remaining 11 men have been released on the Independence Day. Finding a small loophole in the law, they have been released. Do you think that some of these rapists will not rape young girls/women in future? Is there any guarantee?
What happened to the rapist MPs and MLAs? Were/Are they really punished? They roam around freely. A classic example is bishop Franco. Do you think that he will stop raping nuns in future?
Ultimately, the focus in all crimes must be on “conversion of heart/mind”. The case narrated by me is a case of conversion. Both the families and the NGO will function as the ‘guardians’ of the rapist boy and the victim girl. They have taken a positive approach. So, why should we not take the same positive approach?
If you still believe in punishment, then, please do not give any importance to the value of “Forgiveness” that Jesus exhibited: He forgave Peter who denied him three times and made him the head of the Church. Jesus forgave those who killed him – “Father, forgive them for they not what they do.”
Sex crimes against women are not a result of lack of sex education, but ceasing an opportunity to demonstrate ones power. The idea of women as “damaged goods”, is regressive and patriarchal. The woman is victim of a crime. The male indulging in rape commits a crime and should be punished accordingly. Giving credit to the so called NGO for arranging the marriage of the male and victim is atrocious and misplaced. It does not solve the problem of the male committing a crime against the woman which he is likely to continue. He could make a misery of her entire life! Men offer to marry their victims to stay out of prison! The woman should never agree to marry her rapist.