Grandparents rejoice

By chhotebhai

Kanpur, July 17, 2023: Though a creature of the day, I am not particularly enthused by various “Days” like Father’s, Mother’s, Doctor’s, Constipation. I suspect that in the era of greeting cards (now extinct) they were invented by manufacturers like Archies, to promote their wares.

However, I got a pleasant surprise when my parish priest, Father K.K. Antony, announced that Pope Francis had declared July 23 as a day for Grandparents and the Elderly (GPEs). He even gave me a brochure prepared by the CCBI Youth Commission to commemorate the day. This seemed like two ends of the spectrum – youth at one end and GPEs at the other.

It reminded me of a Cliff Richards movie that I had seen as a teenager many moons ago. It had a song whose lyrics endure:

“But when they need doing well
It takes youth and experience
To really ring the bell…
When something needs to be done
It takes youth and experience
To really fire the gun”.

During my years of youth ministry, I had modified it to:

“Old is gold,
Youth is bold,
Put them together,
Your product is sold”.

Pope Francis has chosen a phrase from Mother Mary’s Magnificat as the theme for this year’s GPE day. It is: “His mercy is from age to age” (Lk 1:50). I use the New Jerusalem Bible that translates it as “His faithful love extends age after age to those who fear him”. I find this text more expressive. Be that as it may, the inference drawn by Pope Francis is that of God’s enduring and steadfast love from generation to generation – be it youth, parents or GPEs.

Let us also not miss the second half of Mary’s declaration of faith, “to those who fear him”. So God’s love is steadfast, but it also requires a faith response.

The Pope makes another statement that “alone we cannot move forward”. This again is an appeal to all generations to bond and work together. It reminds me of the allegorical account of creation where God says “It is not right that the man should be alone” (Gen 2:18). If God was acutely aware of the dangers of loneliness, how much more should we, Its creatures, be conscious of its dangers?

Be it the Bible or Dantes Inferno, our common perception of Hell is a place of eternal fire. Has anyone ever paused to ask how long a human being could survive in an eternal fire? When I was making a 30-day Ignatian retreat in 1980 I saw this image of nothingness, like a person falling in outer space. A person in agony screams to give vent to the pain. But in this scenario there was no sound. There was nothing and nobody. For me this was Hell, if at all it exists! A state of nothingness, abandonment and loneliness. If God didn’t want man to be alone, then It would surely do everything in Its power to avoid such a scenario.

These thoughts were perhaps playing in the back of the Pope’s head when he chose to commemorate and honour GPEs in this special way. Loneliness is hell, and despite living in an era of mass communications and instant messaging, where time and space no longer exist, loneliness is increasing. I am reminded now of a Hindi movie song: “Duniya ka mela, main hoon akela, kitna akela hoon main” (In the caravan of life I am alone, how lonely am I”.

Family, community, society are the antidotes to loneliness and its resultant depression, especially for the GPEs. Yet we are in for a shock from the very same chapter of Genesis that warned about loneliness. “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife and they become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). Mind you this was written about 4500 years ago when patriarchy was at its zenith.

Despite that, at the very outset, the Bible, the basis of our Christian faith, gives more importance to the wife than to the parents. Parents, soon to be grandparents after their offspring become one flesh, would feel let down, abandoned, and yes, lonely. Was this God’s sense of justice? Prima facie it seems unjust to the parents; but God in Its infinite wisdom, was setting the tone for the future. Christianity is sometimes accused of being male chauvinistic. This is not how it was at the beginning of time.

Here is where the two ends of the spectrum meet – grandparents and grand children. In a marital relationship it is absolutely essential for the couple to give precedence to each other. But there is an old philosophical saying, “An affirmation of one thing is not a negation of another”. So if a man loves his wife, it in no way means that he is abandoning his parents.

The progression of nature here is that the grandparents now enjoy a special bond with their grandchildren. As a grandfather myself, I can say this with authority. The more important thing is to maintain a balance of relationships, especially in joint families where “generation unto generation” are living under one roof. For elders it is not easy to let go, and for the next generation there is always the urge to break away. This is accentuated when couples are more career than family conscious. There are no simplistic solutions, but awareness is the first step towards finding one.

Pope Francis makes two more important statements in his appeal. He says “Let us look ahead” and adds, “Make a concrete gesture that would include GPEs, visit your grandparents”. Let us examine both.

Many GPEs would be nostalgic about the past, often described as “the good old days”. This attitude is fraught with danger. We cannot live in a “rosy” past and curse the present. Nor can we turn the clock back, which is precisely why the Pope, a very family person, advises us to look ahead. We need to learn from the past, live in the present and look to the future with courage.

The greatest danger for GPEs is to slide into despair and despondency. This is the real temptation, to throw in the towel. An individual may not be able to lift one’s self out of this quicksand, which is why Pope Francis calls for external support – concrete gestures. Families, communities and society must take concrete steps to make the GPEs loved and welcome.

I recall my childhood. We played a lot of indoor games – draughts, Chinese checkers, ludo, cards etc. With the advent of TV and mobile apps this social action, as with greeting cards, is becoming extinct. But when my grand daughter recently visited us she took the initiative to play ludo and snakes and ladders with us. I treasured those moments. Indeed the child is the father of the man. We need to revive these social interactions. They would be “concrete steps” in the right direction.

There is a saying that age is but a number and you are as old as you feel. True. The body may be slowing down but let us remain mentally agile and involved, looking beyond our own limited parameters. Being close to nature – animals, birds, flowers, is another way to counter aging; as is physical exercise.

Let the Second Innings be better than the first. I was always inspired by Padmavibhushan Capt Dr Lakshmi Sehgal, a companion of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose, who at the age of 95 was still attending to poor patients in her clinic, and earlier when she was a candidate for the President of India. My father-in-law, after retirement from the Railways, learnt how to use a computer and the internet.

I conclude with the words of the psalmist: “The upright will flourish like the palm tree, will grow like a cedar of Lebanon. Planted in the house of Yahweh they will flourish in the court of our God. In old age they will still bear fruit and remain fresh and green to proclaim Yahweh’s integrity, my rock in whom no fault can be found” (Ps 92:12-15). And again, “Such a one is like a tree planted near streams, it bears fruit in season and its leaves never wither” (Ps 1:3). HAPPY GRAND PARENTS AND ELDERS’ DAY!

(The writer has worked extensively among youth and families. Mob: 9415130822 email: noronha.kp@gmail.com)